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I niaively thought we would just be marking time this week while waiting for feedback from others. Wrong! Lots of things happening. I spent some time making trips to Manx Telecom and know most of the staff by name. Kieran advised me on the best fibre package to take and Lydia sold me (yet) anothere sim card which I installed in the “spare” iphone so that we could install the Tesco, M&S and Boots apps - which just woudńt work on the spanish registered mobile. Bit of a setback when I realised that I had to sign up to the fibre for 24 months, but it then appeared thatthere is a get-out clause if you are renting and move. Thence to car insurance, which was proving tricky without NCBs (requested from Linea Directa in Spain but never delivered). Tim recommended National Farmers Union, so we went to see them and a nice lady named Emily - who came up with a 400 quote - which I gladly accepted. Later total surprise when yet another request to LD in Spain resulted in a 19-year no claims letter being sent. Now received registration and VIN too, so just waiting for the car! We went for a trip out to a place recommended by Tim and it turned out to be where we had found last week / a beautiful bay called Gansy with a highly recommended pub & hotel named the “Shore”. We also found another beautiful place called St Michael´s Island with an old ruined church and fort - and lots of birdlife. Tricky to find, but then it was found beyond the beautiful little Castletown golf links - and that is within a mile of the new house! We also checked out some other shops ready for the move - and found a Curry´s and a B&Q (oh, and a recommended Indian curry house, a hole-in-the-wall that does watch batteries and all sort of speciality bits, a coffee shop on the main street and a hairdresser). I now look less like an old-English sheepdog. (Who would ever have thought I might find and use a hairdresser before Gill)? Friday night met with Jo and new landlady (Kiwi Julie) and all seemingly good to go. Another great meal in the hotel restaurant to round-off the week (scallops in garlic-butter and lardons - yummy), then another trip to St Michaels´to watch the Eider ducks and Curlews and chomp on some picnic sandwiches. Now just waiting for the house contract in order to finalise the fibre installation, but at least I have sourced a 4g router to give us connnectivity in the meantime. Not quite such a manic week, but amazing progress for the first fortnight. Oh, and we already love the island for its lack of litter, beautiful scenery, friendly people and great public transport (and as for the TT, well at least they get their tourism over in one short burst!)

Well, no one thought it would be possible, but here we are one week into our Isle of Man adventure. We flew out of Spain on the 10th of April, after completing the sale of the house on the 9th.  4 x 22Kg suitcases to our names, plus a couple of carry-on bags. An overnight stop in the De Trafford in Alderley (not to be repeated) where we reduced our luggage by 28Kilos (thanks Anne and Stan) so that we had the Loganair maximum of 60Kg in the hold and two 6Kg carry-on bags - and boarded the DeHavilland Dog-Cat for our intrepid “equinoctal gales” flight to the IoM. The Jeremias had continually pointed out the high winds and even higher seas battering Britain, but we managed a serene flight with only a one-wheel hopping-landing to show for it. A pre-booked taxi waiting, we made our way to the Regency Hotel on Douglas esplanade. Something of a time-warp, with a revolving entrance door, loads of oak panelling, brass fittings and lashings of Victoriana. Tony, the duty porter, picked up two of our bags and carried them up the steps (which impressed me as I was struggling with one). The Regency had been selected as it had a lift. What they didn’t say was that it was actually half a lift. Two folding & sliding scissor doors and a panelled, mirrored, brass mounted chamber about 2 feet wide and 6 feet long. All with a disembodied female voice muttering “please close the doors on entering and leaving the lift”  - but at least it works. Thence a hunt down winding squeaky-floored corridors to find our number 309 room on floor two and a half (a bit like the hogwarts platform). Huge well fitted bathroom, big comfy bedroom and lounge with fridge, tv and impossible-to-get-out-of leather settee. No view (thought that was probably overkill), but lots more brass and plenty warm enough. A glass of wine and a sandwich in the equally victorian bar with our new friend Jack, then an early night after lots of semi-unpacking. Friday was devoted to visiting the bank, estate agents and M&S food hall, plus a trip into the ManxTelecom shop where a very proficient girl set up both our phones with e-sims using Manx local numbers as secondary call i/ds. DeanWood properties proved as inefficient in the flesh as they had on the phone from Spain, so plans for Monday to visit other agents, after a rearranged car collection back at the airport after a stroppy south african-sounding tart tried to (and without any mention of it) palm us off with a jaguar instead of the ordered Juke (now unavailable). Thus in a Mocca (not greatly impressed) we bade hello to the fairies at the bridge and headed back to town (remembering to get on the left side!) On Saturday night we treated ourselves to dinner in the hotel restaurant - and what a treat. Best meal we have had in ages, in a very pleasant humming restaurant. WIne a little pricey, but hey ho! Sunday was back to M&S for some necessary victuals, and then a quick drive around - which turned into a full tour of the TT course! The next few days were a blur of Tescos, M&S, Boots, Estate Agents, more touring of small towns and an excursion to Tynwald Mill (Boundary Mill it aint). Depressingly few opportunities in the rental / sales market, but then a pleasant lady told us she had a friend with “somewhere we might like”. This turned out to be a brand-new four-bedroomed house which was just ending its time as the fully furnished show house. Pricier than we had hoped, but perfect in so many ways - and in a place called Castletown - a pretty little place with an even prettier harbour, just south of the airport. Yes please we said (and thanks to the fairies at the bridge). It is also close to the Nissan dealer so we went in to see what they had to offer. First car that came up on their “option to import” page was a 2023 grey Juke auto (4 years younger than we just sold in Spain) - so we bought that and have been given a free courtesy car by new-pal Mark while we wait for it! Also found a second hand record shop, a B&Q, a Currys, a wishy-washy named Dolly Blue,  and half a wardrobe of warmer clothes from M&S, oh, and a recommendation for a good Indian restaurant from Mark. For a first week, some going in my opinion. Now everything is zeroing in on the 1st of May - out of hotel, into house, insurance for all sorts of things, collection of car, installation of fibre-optic, and flop! (Oh, and hope for the freight and try to prepare for the TT crowds). It isn´t so much Manx as Manic

Well, why have I not been posting you might ask (or most likely not)? The answer is that we sold the house exactly as predicted - someone walked up the path on the 29th February and decided she wanted it, visited again next day, made an offer on the 2nd, paid a deposit, paid 10% on about the 12 and we agreed to complete on the 9th of April - cash buyer, no chain and wanting earliest occupancy. Amazingly, husband accompanied on first visit, then she has driven it all. Very nice Yorkie lady who wanted all the furniture (Ok, we took a few family items) and we have spent the whole of March purging, travelling to the horse charity shop, travelling to the bins early doors when they are empty, and generally sorting out our 24 year lives in Spain ready for the next adventure. Lots of issues as you might imagine (not the least being the crap about having to pay duty on our old stuff going back into the UK. .whaat… UK?) Well, no / we are going to the Isle of Man for 90 days to decide upon our future (IoM as Rona at Barclays had said it is very quiet and there is almost no crime (just forget about the two TT weeks when it is a bear garden!) What’s not to like / kippers and fish and chip shops and an M&S Tourists by the boatload(s) And why are we moving?……… well the craziness of an area that is constantly touting for more tourists and bragging about the hotel bed-occupancy and the number of cruise liners visiting - but never improving the infrastructure. So we have just had a pretty standard annual rainfall over the last 4 months, but there are water restrictions as the lakes are sitting at about 20% capacity - quelle surpris - the thousands of new properties and millions of tourists are using more water than in the past. No increase in catchment or numbers of lakes, just steadily increasing consumption. The local town hall is talking about starting a feasibility study regarding additional parking - so don’t hold your breath. The tourist “season” has expanded to the whole year ….. anyway time to go. More anon from our 90-day exile!

It is getting towards the end of February now and the weather is very changeable - one day warm and sunny, another cold and breezy and another ( v occasionally) wet and windy. The lack of rain has provoked the local municipalities into imposing water restrictions - turning the pressure down / water off between midnight and six and saying no use of hoses or watering systems and no topping-up of swimming pools. We try to do our bit by saving the cold water that comes out before the hot starts running (about 6-7 litres first thing) and using that for the plants (or the pool when the plants are soaked by the rain). Luckily the Andalucian Tourist Board has said that there will be "no problems for tourists", so there will obviously be some miraculous provision of water for hotels, and rental properties (not that anyone staying would know or give a toss anyway). It is the sort of stupidity that really gets my goat. My barber reckons that his aunt in a pueblo north of Cordobas has not had running water for over a year now and has to rely on the water trucks coming down the street. I reckon that will be a fun Tik-Tok tourist attraction for about one day. He also says that the bell-weather will be Easter as the number of tourist then indicate the summer prospects. Seeing as the pueblo has been full of tourists almost every day during the winter, I think I know the prospects. February means a lot of the restaurants close (probably to give the part-time staff a month off and stop them having any employment rights). God I am cynical. Local Bar Niño closed for about six weeks, so Manfred and I have had to find another watering hole for our Saturday lunchtime sessions. We tried the Tomillo Limon which had been recommended, but they prefer lunch people to tapas eaters - so we then moved to Bar Carmen near the bar G. Very good indeed and as typical pueblo bar (inside) as you could wish to find, with wIne €3 and tapas €1. (Niño is wine plus free tapas for €3). However, yesterday Carmen was closed too, so we moved to what used to be "Roger´s Bar", which turned out to be more expensive and touristy and only did plates of 2 pieces of fancy tapas at €6 a time and wine at €4. We will not be using it again. We have started having some viewings on the house, although the level of disinterest that some show you wonder why they bother - last week we had four swedes with their agent and our agent - never said a word or asked anything. Rude just isn´t in it. Have someone else on Monday so who knows? (Actually we do, as we know that someone will have bought it mentally before they get to the front door - it´s just a case of who and when). I had a technological break-through this weekend when I installed an external SSD as the system drive on my Mac which has been a real pain running very slowly. I read online about the 2019 system I bought second-hand last year and the general opinion was that the "fusion disk" was so bad / slow that the machines were a bad buy - but then someone said you could sort it out by putting an external SSD drive on one of the fast Thunderbolt ports. I looked on the web and saw 2TB drives at 220€ and spent some time working out whether it was the correct / specific technology, then at the last moment saw a reduced price 1TB drive for 84€ - so snapped it up. Amazon fast delivery to an Amazon storage box at the petrol station, wired it up, then left the system trucking while I was at the bar! Stone me! Not only do I now have a later operating system, but it is QUICK. Serendipity at its best. In other areas, I had to fix a small leak from the escape valve on the hot water panels, also spent a loooong time trying to find a backup battery for the hot water control unit. (thought I would have it delivered to the Amazon box as a trial, but then they would not store even a tiny battery in their nice boxes - Grrr). In the midst of this, we had an 8 hour power outage when the high winds in the night caused the cables to have problems on the hills. Tried phoning the emergency power number but incredibly complicated answering machine which drove me up the wall and recorded some choice epithets. They would not believe it wasn´t just my house and told me to "get an electrician", when the power was also off at the house below - meaning it was a problem in the transformer. Eventually they sorted it out. but not before I aged 10 years. Those automated systems are bad enough in English, but in spanish, you can forget it. The joke is that I thought the backup battery was dodgy as the automatic thermostat system kept losing its memory - hence search for new battery - but then after the power outage, the system came back with all the parameters back as they should be. Sometimes power-it-off-and-on-again works for any sort of computer! There was one other success, which was when we realised that G needed to renew her driving licence. We popped in to book an appointment in the Fuengirola medical centre (really) where it is undertaken and a very pleasant girl ushered (us) straight into her office where she did the ´photo and all the questions and tests (punctuated by me giggling helplessly as G tried to manage the two padels that drive two bars around a race track as part of the coordination test). Luckily the girl took pity on her! Anyway 47€ and "it should be delivered to your house within the next few weeks". Very quick, pleasant and simple. Maybe they should offer to provide a helpdesk for Sevillana electricity.

I know you will not be buying it "gentle reader", but for interest Detached 4-bedroom Villa / Chalet with fabulous uninterrupted views to Africa and the Mediterranian Easy walking distance from Mijas Pueblo Plot of 974m2with built area of 350m2 over 3 floors, comprising 4 bedrooms 5 bath / shower rooms L-shaped lounge / dining room Study Fitted kitchen + Utility Room + Store room Large basement / double garage Private Swimming pool 10m x 4m Gardens and terraces LOCATION The location of the house is almost unique with it being just beyond the western edge of Mijas Pueblo, but with an easy walk to the centre of the Pueblo and access to all main services.It is located in a small drive immediately off the A387 Coin road (which leads westward out of Mijas Pueblo to Al Haurin al Grande.) There are just 4 properties in the cul-de-sac, all enjoying private services direct from the main facility providers, thus having no requirement for any urbanisation. It is notable that in the last 23 years,  and until now, only one of these houses has been on the market.The short access road is paved, while the main road has street-lighting and a pavement - which means the house is within a few minutes easy walk of Mijas village and all its associated services. Whilst having the benefits of being near the Pueblo, the property is on an open hillside and thus has fabulous south and west views to the Mediterranean coast, the Sierra Blanca mountains and North Africa.The house is served by two bus services which run between Coin, Valtocado, Mijas and Fuengirola. The local road system leads easily onto the autopista and Malaga airport is less than 20 minutes drive away. THE PROPERTY The south-facing property is a large, very attractive, detached villa (Spanish “chalet”) offering spacious accommodation on two levels, with a large basement and garage underneath Originally constructed in the late 1980s, the house and gardens had a major renovation in 2000 and the property has been carefully maintained and improved by the current owners over the last 23 years. The house is finished to a very high standard with the following features: - Air-conditioning / heating units installed in all living-rooms and bedrooms - Aluminium-framed double-glazing to all windows and patio doors. Variety of swivel-and-tilt and sliding windows, with clear or frosted glass as appropriate. - Sliding patio doors. Security locks and roller-style flyscreens. - Secure ornamental rejas to all windows and patio doors. - Doors, frames, banisters and wardrobe fittings of light oak wood. Bevel-edged glazing to interior doors. - Glazed floor tiles to all rooms, patios and basement. Floor-to-ceiling tiling in kitchen and bathrooms in beige shades with toning freizes and motifs. - Security alarm system in all areas connected to TecnyGes Security Services - Electricity -  3-phase cables direct to local transformer. - Professionally installed electrical wiring system using 3-phase external supply with fully compliant ELCB fuse system to extensive distribution of socket points.- Plentiful work surfaces, including breakfast bar. Concealed and display lighting. Stainless steel sinks - Roca Bathroom suites in beige enamel; high quality vanity units with drawers, cupboards, mirrors, lights, etc. Chrome and gold coloured fittings. - Fibre Optic cable installed to central router / WiFi - Mains Water - direct metered connection to mains water pipeline to Pueblo. - Domestic hot water from solar panels with immersion heater “top-up” holding tank when required. - Domestic waste water to a sealed soak-away system. Rainwater guttering and groundwater drains are installed and redirect excess rainfall onto the external road Grounds - There are walls and/or railings and fences all around the property. - Pedestrian access from the road is via double gates on the top entrance patio (gate operated by key or from internal control) . - Access to parking area and double garage on lower (garden level) patio is via key-fob-operated electric double gates with up-and-over electrically operated garage door. - The mature gardens, which have been designed to be easily managed, have small lawns, jardineras (raised flower beds) and patios. The beds are planted with a wide range of flowering plants and shrubs, while the orchard area has a selection of fruit trees. - The gardens and boundaries have a range of lights providing safety, security and ornamentation. - There are a number of patio areas, including a large barbecue patio with wooden beams, wet bar, lighting and power points. - The tiled swimming pool is 10mx4m with a timed electrical filter pump in a separate cassita ACCOMMODATION Ground Floor approx 120m2 overall Entrance Porch. Imposing Spanish-style wooden door and surround with black metal features. Door and surround have metal reinforcing and double locks. Porch approx  2m2 with arched window. Ornamental hanging light. External security roller shutter operated from controls in porch. Internal wood and glazed door to - Entrance Hall. Tiled floor. Arch and small alcove features. Power Points. Telephone points. Router. Security Monitor & Control Panel. Top gate access switch & ‘phone. Ornamental hanging light. Study / Dining Room. Solid wooden door. Tiled floor. Double window overlooking entrance patio. Pelmet, curtain rails, draw pulls and secondary blinds. Power Points. Telephone points. A/c unit. Ornamental hanging light. Cloakroom. Solid wooden door. Tiled floor. Fully tiled walls. HipBath with shower unit; W.C.; Wash basin in mirrored vanity unit. Power Points. Frosted window with hinged ventilation panel. Lounge. Access via double sliding wood and glazed doors. A large L- shaped room having double windows to east and west aspects, plus two sets of patio doors to south-facing terrace and balcony. Tiled floor. Brick fireplace with glass-fronted wood-burning fire unit. Pelmet, curtain rails, draw pulls and secondary blinds on all windows Central hanging lights and wall lights. Multiple tv and power points. Floor-mounted Aircon unit. Balcony. L-shaped covered terrace (22m2 - with access also from kitchen). Tiled floor. 6 arches with balustrades and ornamental brickwork. South and west aspects. Power Point. Wall lights Kitchen. Wood and glazed doors. Tiled floor. Fully tiled walls.Wide range of floor units including cupboards and drawers, also wall units with under-lights. Attractive display units of open shelves and cupboards with glazed doors and concealed lighting.Marble effect work surfaces, shelves and breakfast bar. Stainless steel sink unit with draining board. Electric fan oven; hob; extractor fan; fridge freezer; Multiple power points. Double sliding windows to rear pathway. Double sliding patio doors to terrace.Wood and glazed door to : Utility Room Marble effect work surface with stainless steel sink unit and draining board. Matching wall units and storage cabinets with space under for washing machine and tumble drier. Ceiling light and emergency light. Power circuit panel. Multiple power points. Glazed reja-style door to : Rear Porch / Store small store room with fitted shelving and hanging units. Ceiling light. Metal security door to Drying Patio with rotary clothes line and steps down to Pool Patio. From Entrance Hallñ Staircase to Upper Floor Tiled steps. Wooden stair edging, handrail and balustrade. Ornamental wall lights. Double opening window with frosted glass. First Floor approx 117m2 overall Landing tiled floor and wooden balustrade. Ornamental wall light.Solid wood doors to : Bedroom 1 / Master Suite built-in wardrobe / cupboards with wooden doors. Tiled floor. Security monitor and control panel. Multiple power points. Ornamental wall lights. TV point. Double sliding window to southern aspect. Small arched window to east. Central ceiling fan and light. Aircon unit. Single hinged patio door and reja to west aspect and first floor balcony area. Passageway to en-suite master bathroom with tiled floor and fully tiled walls. 2 frosted glass windows to eastern aspect. Large jacuzzi bath; W.C.; Bidet; Walk-in power-shower. Wash basin in vanity unit with mirror and lighting. Ceiling light. Power Points. Bedroom 2 built in wardrobes / cupboards & vanity unit with wooden doors. Tiled floor. Pelmet, curtain rails, draw pulls and secondary sun screen. Multiple power points. Ornamental wall lights. Central ceiling fan and light. Aircon unit. Double sliding patio doors / rejas to southern aspect and first floor balcony. Passageway to en-suite shower room with tiled floor and fully tiled walls. Frosted glass windows to rear aspect. Walk-in shower unit; W.C.; Wash basin in vanity unit with mirror and lighting. Ceiling light. Power Points. Bedroom 3 with built-in wardrobe unit with wooden doors. Tiled floor. Multiple power points. Telephone points. TV Points. Ornamental wall lights. Central ceiling fan and light. Aircon unit. Pelmets, curtain rails, draw pulls and curtains. Small window to southern aspect . Double window to western aspect. Single hinged patio door and reja to south aspect and balcony area. Bedroom 4 with built-in wardrobe unit with wooden doors. Tiled floor. Multiple power points. Telephone points. Central ceiling fan and light. Aircon unit. Double patio doors to small Juliet balcony with eastern aspect and overlooking entrance patio. Family Bathroom with tiled floor, fully tiled walls. Bath with shower unit; W.C.; Bidet ; Wash basin in vanity unit with mirror and lights. Ceiling light. Power points. L-Shaped Open Balcony / Terrace (22m2 with access from bedrooms 1, 2 and 3). Tiled floor. Power Points. Wall lights. White balustrade. South and west aspects with fabulous views. From Entrance HallLower Staircase solid wood door with double lock to tiled steps with wooden stair edging and stainless steel rails. Half-glazed door to lower steps. Double opening window with frosted glass. Basement approx 112m2 overall - Tiled floor  5 x strip lights. Multiple power points - Space for 2 cars in-line - Wine store. - Point for waste pipe / sink. - Double opening windows to pool patio. - Electrically operated up-and-over garage door. - Security monitor & security control panel. Access to Shower Room with tiled floor and fully tiled walls. W.C, Wash Basin; Large walk-in shower. - Single hinged-steel door providing access to garden and pool. Covered Poolside Terrace (approximately 12m2 with wall light and power points. Security light. EXTERIOR Garden, Patios and Perimeter WallsThe total area of the plot, including built area, is just 974m2. Ease of maintenance has been the key feature and it takes the owners about 1/2 day per week to maintain the garden and patios. Swimming Pool fully tiled approx 10m x 4m plus curved entrance step area. 0.75m to 2m deep. Pump House is a small cassitta with pool pump, filter, timer and valve gear. Lockable reja door. Courtyard / patio approx 25m2.  2 solar panels and storage tank for hot water BBQ Patio approx 40m2 tiled patio with walls on 3 sides and open to pool. Heavy wooden beams above with grapevine. Wet bar with running water and stainless steel sink. Numerous lights and power points. Main lawn approx 120m2 Small lawn approx 50m2 with almond, mandarin and lemon trees. Jardineras / Raised flower beds are situated alongside and on the top patio, beside the main drive patio and eithbetween the lawns. They total appoximately 40m2 and contain bedding plants, small shrubs and dwarf trees. Walls there are walls of 2m height to the west side. On the north, the ornamental wall is 1.5m. The roadside-wall has pillars and iron railings of between 1.5 and 3m in height. The south side has a fence and hedge. The wall below this fence is approximately 3m in height from the lower neighbour’s drive. Access – double gates are from the road to the top entrance patio / front and rear doors, with lower gates for vehicle access from the road to the garage area. The top gate has a remote opening button by the entrance phone, while the main gates have key fob control and are electrically operated. External Lights - there are switch-controlled lights on the gates, patios, balconies, central garden and swimming pool, with motion-detector lights near both garage doors. SERVICES (all 2023) Rates              678€ Electricity     1400€ Water             420€ Security         655€

I heard, just before Christmas, that my oldest friend John ¨Bowie"Beaumont from the Shell Mex and BP days had died suddenly. "Suddenly" as in a major stroke, which despite him actually being on the grounds of a hospital at the time, killed him almost instantly. He was just 80 and seemingly as fit as ever, with him being the first person I knew to embrace things like running at lunchtime, triathlon, modern pentathlon and most things sporting. He was also an inveterate "helper" - not just for me (which he did in many ways), but also at the Manchester games, Covid vaccination co-ordination, kids swimming and many other things. Being a "planner", I had mused on things like returning to the UK for funerals (only rationale over last 20 years), and had even suggested to Bowie that a place for me need not be set at any wake (whilst also pointing out that my choice is for Gill to tell people after my funeral - which in Spain is usually within 24 or 48 hours). Unfortunately the UK is beset by many problems, including one whereby the average wait for the funeral / cremation seems to be about 4 weeks, so the funeral was not until after mid-January. In early 2024 we might have had some problems getting away, but by the 17th it was possible - and I found I just had to go - mainly as I felt I owed him so much (although I guess you really go to show your respects to the family). Anyway, we duly booked the flights and hotel and went to the UK - and I am very glad we did. The funeral was "humanist" - which meant no prayers or hymns, just a "celebrant" speaking about John´s life, a series of photographs of his life and 3 of his personal choices of music (Freddy Mercury´s Time Waits for No One, Fairytale of New York and Bat Out of Hell) - some choice! Christine also asked me to say a few words about my times at Shell and afterwards with Bowie - something I was honoured to do (although I did find it quite emotional). The celebrant was specific in his requirement for "two pages of A4 and no more than 5 minutes", which was something I found a bit strange as I prefer to have a few headline notes then extemporise - not something that lends itself to exact timing. Anyway, I wrote it and "almost" read it - with only a couple of minor diversions. Amongst the 20 or so mourners there, there were only 3 other ex-Shell people, without even the pensioners´ representative (even though I would have thought it one of his main roles). 30 minutes in and out with the next funeral waiting. The total opposite end to a production line. As you might imagine, it certainly stirred the "old time is still a-passing" feelings in me (and in a couple of other who mentioned their own mortality). Anyway, we were both very glad we went and paid our respects. On the travel front and the practicalities, we were greatly helped by the transport provided by in-laws Anne and Stan. The Alderley Edge hotel proved to have become something of a business-travel-lodge with small rooms designed for one person short stays, but we were assisted with an upgrade (thanks Alison) into a spacious room which really suited our needs. Generally the hotel staff were exceptional and the breakfasts superb (poached eggs to die for). I was stunned by the prices in the bar (35£ at bottom end of the wine list), but what the hell - when travelling pay-up and look pleasant. Jet 2 staff proved exceptionally helpful too and we were glad we had travelled with them. Continuing the helpful theme, I was also surprised at how pleasant and helpful most staff were in the shops we visited. Unfortunately, I guess that seeing almost everyone as being pleasant and helpful is really a reflection on how things are just not like that in Spain. Only sour note probably the security at Manchester airport (quality of service and attitude not improved in 35 years). To me it shows how Manchester apply their 15% "international traveller" attitudes to the mainly 85% holiday travellers - whereas Malaga apply their "everyone is a holidaymaker" attitude and make things so much simpler and more pleasant (especially when the "TIE / resident card" enables you to skip the passport queues). A sad trip, but one which has opened up a few new horizons.

There has been a huge amount of hot air and affront in the UK recently, mainly aimed at people "misgendering" other people. This is, apparently, when some servitor calls someone "Mr" when said customer has decided to become female (or "a bloke wearing a wig" as one councillor called another recently). Now I really do not care about people´s proclivities, providing they don´t interfere with me (no pun intended)´, but I do object to people objecting to other people making easy "mistakes" in referring to them - and then taking umbrage about it. As Nike would have it, if you must, Just Do It - and say to hell with the world (like that weird potter who dresses like a little girl), but don´t "Do It" and expect 99% of the regular world to play along with your fantasy. Why do I wish to comment on this? What is the cunning segué? Well, today (or actually a couple of weeks ago) I accidentally "misgendered" an aerial on one of my security cameras. A heavy bird(?) had settled upon it, or a strong wind had blown it, or it had read something about being whatever you want to be - anyway, the aerial was found in the path with its little cord severed - and I am bad enough at regular soldering to know that micro (<1mm) co-ax cable is WAY beyond repair. Now I have a variety of security cameras and have a box of bits left over from the early ones that went "belly up" - mostly Foscam as they were offering WiFi connected cameras connecting to a Mac software app (SecuritySpy) years before anyone else started to think about it. Nowadays I have 3 lots - Foscam, QZT and Tapo. The disconnected one was a QZT. Anyway, no matter, I have a box of aerial bits from the dead cameras and pulled one out to fix things. Wrong. After a couple of attempted screw-ins, I realised that I was using a male aerial to connect to a male camera - no funciona! Checked all bits in the box and I only have male aerial. Online to Amazon and order a pair of female-connecting aerials. All very easy until they used Paack to transport them - and 3 aborted deliveries later, they returned them to Amazon saying the address was "wrong". I duly reemed out Amazon and Paack and within 48hours Correos had delivered (thanks to Antionio) 2 new females connectors. Whizzed out to garden and installed new aerial. No funciona. Reset App. Powered camera off and on. Todavia no funciona! Removed said aerial and AAAgh!!! discovered to my (and probably the camera´s) horror, that the "male bit" of the joint had been pulled out by the female bit. Not good. But then, hmmm. What if the male bit was from the old aerial and I really need a male aerial?? Tried one of the old spare males (black, so not pale, stale and male) and yippee it all works again. So there you go - misgendering is not just about people - it can have a far greater impact - especially on my cameras. ** and by the way, the Tapos are far the best as they are about 40€ (v Foscam at 150€) and come with an App which also works on TP intelligent plugs and TP intelligent light bulbs and things. I know, I know, everyone in China will be able to access the schedule for my electric blanket and see pictures of the cat eating biscuits, but I think value for money overrides national security in this case.

Yesterday we embarked on a little adventure to the far side of Malaga - about 90km away - in order to get some replacement glass fitted to the door of the wood fire. The glass had cracked (not me guv) in the top corner, and whilst it still seemed ok, I wasn´t happy that it wasn´t going to shatter at some stage. I checked with the company that installed the fire back in 2010 and they told me they could replace the glass "while I waited" - which, and despite the 180Km round trip, seemed a better bet than carrying a 15Kg cast iron door around the various local shops selling wood fires to try and find one that could help. I checked to see that the shop would be open and ready, while G prepared the tea and biscuits for the journey, and even went so far as to check the map and save the destination on the iphone. (The Nissans have the standard carplay that allows your map on the phone to be shown on the dashboard screen), so all set. I decided to take G´s Juke due to sheer laziness as it was at the front of the garage (and strangely does much better mpg than my Micra despite having the same engine and being significantly bigger).. Anyway, we set off in bags of time and as we went down the road I connected my ´phone to her system. Or I tried to, as it would not connect. G then confessed that the system had started to give her problems during the last couple of outings, but I thought I could sort that "on the fly". Wrong again. I disconnected her ´phone from the bluetooth and made mine the cable-connected master - but still no joy. But anyway, just going along the motorway couldn´t be a problem, could it? Well, yes it can be. The motorway speed limit is usually 120kph, but reduced to 100 in tunnels. Oh, and if there are any sort of yellow lane markers you have to reduce by 20kph. Easy? No. The limit changes quite arbitrarily between 80 / 100 / 120 without any obvious signage (the Juke has this speed limit recognition system which was flashing like a disco as it tries to work out what the limit is). 2 lanes = 100 and 3 lanes = 120 - hell no. Many sections of 2-lane at any limit of your choice and large expanses of 3-lane set to 100 (or even 80). It is almost impossible to comply with due to the changes and poor signage. There should be a law that says you have to have a speed sign every kilometer (what am I thinking of, some sort of logical thinking under spanish traffic planning and management? Ho Ho bloody Ho!) Of course there is also the fact that we are mapless. Now this would not normally be a problem, and I had memorised the few turns between the motorway and the shop, and even gone as far as to save a picture of the route directions, but I had reckoned without the spanish motorway exit system (and the signposting around the north of Malaga which beggars belief) - I am surprised anyone from Africa ever makes it to France, as it is so badly indicated - which might also explain why there are so many Africans working in the greenhouses in the Velez area - the signposting meant they never made it out of Andalucia on their way to Calais). In previous pergrinations to France, I had observed the total illogic with which the spanish number their motorway junctions - which seem to be fairly arbitrary and indicating a km travelled from some obscure point of origin, the road you could turn on to, or just a number selected at random. Trouble is you never can tell - and Google Maps obviously have the same problem as we spent the whole journey looking for exit 272, which never featured in any way, shape or form (or any number within a few hundred for that matter). Now G and I can, on rare occasions, work well in the car - usually when I get her to spot the road signs, but with us looking for a non existent sign I was reduced to trying to spot when we were going over a bridge for the river velez (and unfortunately that side of malaga is a series of bridges across dry river beds, so I was well occupied). There is also the problem where they have multiple exits for the same town, and/or listing other towns at the same time, so we had no real idea which Velez exit it might be - that is, until we stopped seeing Velez signs and were thus sure we had gone too far! Off at next exit and make a U-turn, stopping briefly while I look at the phone and see we are "12 minutes away". Back on autopista and count the minutes not the miles. I ignore the first exit we see as no obvious industrial estate to the north of the road , but then we take a chance and go off at the next one. A couple of roundabouts and divorces later, I turn off onto some waste ground thinking I must be somewhere near, but only one exit from this barren plot - which I take. 50metres on and we ask a couple of local workers if Bisontec is anywhere near and they laugh and tell us the poligono (for this is it) is all one way and I will have to go all the way around to get to the shop which is actually about 50m away. Hmmm. Thanks be to Oscar, we had an empty parking space waiting for us outside the shop (on an otherwise jammed street). The guy was the one I had spoken to and he quickly went about his work - only stopping about 4 times during the half hour to attend to other people bring in broken fire-doors. Looks like a nice little earner (or burner!) I was like a kid in a sweetshop when I found all the other bits I might need - anthracite paint (matt black it is not), fibre glass string to pack the glass, and even a gift for G of an (acid) spray he reckoned was the dogs for cleaining the glass. That and he gave the door a good cleaning over and even gave me some new shiny brass bolts for the sliders. Just over 100€ for everything and a total bargain The return journey was easy and uneventful, but we decied not to bother with the tea and biscuit picnic - deciding that going "off-piste" for that might prove to be an exit to anywhere. Oh - and the satnav decided to work after the car had been stopped for a while. Unfortunately standard IT of "turn it off and then turn it on" does not really work for a car when you are driving on a motorway. Now on to the cleaning and painting and reassembly - just hope the weather doesn´t go cold before I have finished my task.

I suppose this could have been entitled "my vision on the road to Damascus", but it was actually the road to Nottingham - and way before I ended up in Damascus! It all started in about 1973, during an early-morning drive over to Nottingham, where I was working as a contractor for an IT company. I was minding my own business, driving on a deserted road due to the early time of day. Suddenly, a bank of trees a few hundred yards in front of me changed from branches and leaves into a weird pattern of inter-mingling electrons (nowadays you can see something like it on almost any sci-fi programme), but back then it was a real shock as I´d never seen anything like it on tv or film - and especially as it was actually real. I was absolutely stunned by the sight and overcome by an overwhelming feeling of being a part of one universe composed of all these electrons. To say I was stunned is actually an understatement, as I wandered around in a total euphoric daze for the next few days. I mentioned it to my mother, who didn´t just tell me I was going mad or I should lay off the booze, but instead took me over to talk to (the now legendary) Oscar, who she thought might be able to give me some guidance. He told me I seemed a bit young to be getting that sort of vision (what age should they start I wonder), but then went into a wide-ranging chat about various forms of mysticism and his personal experiences. Oscar will be mentioned again (many times I´m sure), but suffice it to say that from then on I believed I had had a vision of the true reality and I have spent a fair amount of time trying to find a philosophy that fits these personal views. Most of these posts will be about that (continuing) journey and how it has impacted my life (and views about death too).

Not a pleasant weekend in more ways than one - with the spanish community and services, once again, proving just how useless they can be. At 6 in the evening, the gardener for the neighbour below, "whatsapp´d" me to say there was a dead mountain goat in the pool and he didn´t like to touch it "in case it was diseased". This was 2 hours after he found it and 15minutes before it went dark. Thanks a bunch. I went down and found this young goat - which we had seen in the garden a few times earlier in the week - dead and floating in the swimming pool where it had drowned (there being no steps like our pool, only a ladder to get in and out). Hardly likely to be diseased as it had managed to jump over a 6 foot fence a few times to get in. I asked the gardener who should be informed (with these mountain goats being protected by law) and he said he didn´t know, but maybe the police. A few more back and forths about possibilities, but he said he had an urgent appointment that was taking him away until late Saturday, so I was on my own. I ´phoned the "policia local" number(s) a couple of times, but got a message that they were not connected and unavailable - and this on their supposed emergency line (!). Lucky it wasn´t a burglary, robbery or death I thought to myself. I didn´t sleep very well thinking about the poor little furry visitor and was up from about 3:30 am. As soon as I thought there might be someone available, I ´phoned the police again - ánd when they actually answered but told me they would have to get in touch with some sort of animal rescue organisation (maybe undertakers?). No more heard for about 4 hours until a girl called me to confirm what had happened and, on finding out it was in a pool, was started to talk about getting some sort of lifeboat service or something similar. When I said it was at the edge of a swimming pool and I could reach it without any trouble, she told me she would get in touch with the "appropriate animal people". I knew it was reachable as luckily I had actually gone down earlier in the morning and covered it with a bin liner as I had visions of a crow / raven / eagle perched on its distended belly and pecking at the soft bits.....´(not a pleasant thought) Crime Scene Photo Another fruitless hour, until the police ´phoned back and said "there was no one available as it was the weekend, but someone would come on Monday". I pointed that over that period, it would be better out of the pool than in, and that I would be prepared to do it. I also suggested that if no one was interested, I could also put the body in one of the local bins, but that made him almost choke, with a "no, no, no, the authorities need to recove the body". We agreed that I would get it from the pool and put it in a bag in the shade, ready for the "experts" In one of her (many) moments of brilliance, G suggested using one of our (previously reusable) large Lidl garden-rubbish bags which are about .5 cubic metres and have handles on top and bottom - with the idea of getting the body into that by using rakes and hoes, then getting the whole caboodle out of the pool by the handles - and it worked an absolute treat (- first having cut some holes in the bottom to allow the water to escape), and within 5 minutes we had it wrapped and lying in the shade with a couple of rocks as headstones. ... Monday the gardener came and muttered some excuse about not touching diseased animals in the campo. .... Monday afternoon and evening nothing at all - no one came to collect ... and now it is Tuesday and there it still lies four-days-dead. I sprayed some anti-ant stuff around the bag and just hoped the stones were enough to deter foxes or whatever. Just ´phoned the policia yet again this morning and they implied they would come - I am not holding my breath (but they will be when they eventually take it away) ... Wednesday morning I phoned my pal Juan at the Niño and asked for help as the body was still there and no-one had been. Withing 15 minutes he was back to me and said the "guarda Rural" would be there within 30minutes. By the time we got back home from Fuengi (I had called Juan either side of the dentist´s chair) the lone ranger was at the gate. He put the whole kid and caboodle into a large plastic bag (first having donned a pair of plastic gloves) and told me that the animal was sick and it was better to throw our garden bag away (like we would have reused it). I asked what he would do with the whole package, only to be told he would throw it in one of the rubbish bins, then clean his hands with alcohol - basically what I would have done last Friday. ...Today I reemed out the gardener for his part in the whole affair and that he left me trying to organise things with the police and animal welfare groups. His main excuse was that all these mountain goats have "mange" so you cannot touch them (I pointed to his gloves), whereupon he also showed that he had contacted said ranger who had told him to "put it in a bag and then in the bassura". His final comment sums up Spain (or UK in the sixties) "but it´s not my job to do that, because he gets paid to do it". Yeah - thinking like that proves why you will never be more than a jobbing gardener (thought but unsaid). I have always said that the policia local (employed by the council) are nothing but glorified traffic wardens - now they have certainly shown that they are last responders (or maybe even non-responders)

or Indian Summer to us Beautiful weather down here at the moment - in fact summer never really ended, but just got a bit cooler at night. The picture above is from the top balcony aiming due south and shows the Moroccan Rif Mountains with the valley in the centre of the shot being where Al Hoceima is (I think). We have had many visitors (correction, Danish neighbours have had many viistors who have dropped in to see us) throughout October with a constant procession of friends and family. This week there is nice couple who are spending a couple of weeks touring the area and putting the electrical system to rights down there (no such thing as a free smorgasbord?). The house below just reflects the whole area really, as the tourist season has dragged on as much as has the summer. There are something like 40 cruise liners coming through Malaga this month and the village is full of skeins of tourists and their guides from as early as 9 am. The hotels are full, transport system is struggling and Malaga is a nightmare. While all this is going on, the mayor et al are off in London promoting the Costa del Sol as a tourist destination for Brits. Maybe considering upgrading the infrastructure to accommodate them would be a better idea before trying to drag more people in. Some friends went on a "trial cruise" around the western med a couple of weeks ago (trial as they have booked a 3 week world cruise after Christmas). If the tourists we see here off the cruise liners are anything to go by, they are welcome. They did actually say that in the period before they took ill (!) it was a bit iffy, with their quoute "John and Gill would hate this" confirming everything we suspected. I guess the cruising business is moving down-market with the rest of the tourist industry. (Not being too sniffy, but about 10 years ago, the western med cruise was one a former a gardener and 12 of his family went on, with him telling me "with the free food and booze, it was as cheap as being at home "). Yesterday was pretty windy and somehow a fire started up near the Venta los Condes (the knocking shop) at 4am (accredited to "sparks from a transformer" by some locals"). Anyway, the winds were running at about 40kph and gusting at 80, so it spread like, well like wildfire. All the usual suspects - road closed, lots of police and fire engines plus half a dozen helicopters and spotter planes and nearly a hundred firefighters. "Luckily" the wind was predominantly from the north so the fire was blow towards the coast rather than the forest and even more luck they managed to get it under just before dusk when the planes have to stop flying. Of course, our new may - an aparatchik parachuted in by the PP hierarchy in Malaga and put in place by an insurrection among the current councillors - was in eveidence and they even managed to evacuate people to safety on the other side of the village - or Mijas golf, whichever version you choose to believe. I will get the whole nine yards from Juan from the Niño later in the week as his house is with 100m of the aforesaid venta - eith that or from the gardener to the house below who lives in that area. More to come...

My Amazon wish-list long has contained the requirement for a cheap "GoPro" style camera for - well, who knows really? - to be another toy I guess. I had seen somethings online at the 70€ mark and noted them down, as the GoPro is heading towards a couple of hundred and probably a bit too expensive for my "occasional" cycling, skiing and scuba diving (so occasional as to be non-existent). Anyway, last week I was at the till in Aldi when I noticed some hard black bags (toilet bag size) with a picture of a GoPro on the label and a price of 30€. Now 30€ is a bit more than my normal impulse buy (or a hell of a lot less in the case of handrails etc), but I thought there was not a lot to lose (OK, 30€). The price reflected on the quality of the information given about the device, not on the camera, picture quality or attachments (I am still trying to understand the use for about 10 of them). It comes with a full (detachable) waterproof case and flotation device (which will see little use I am thinking), but then a couple of sticky mounting clip that can be fixed to your helmet(!) and a light camera holder with a quick release for the camera body. This looked to be useful as it had standard camera mounting screws above and below Like all these cheap cameras (and expensive ones now I remember) they need a memory card which is "not supplied". Having been caught out on this issue a couple of times, I knew I had bought extras, but then was unable to think where the hell they might be in my new perfectly ergonomically designed office. I searched absolutely everywhere, and was just about to give up, when I thought about the main drawer-of-useful-stuff (in front of my nose) - and there it was. As mentioned, the user manual information was so basic as to be useless, but then I found a similar camera under a more expensive label (!) with instructions on-line. Result! Turns out to have a multiplicity of functions and controls - and after wading through most of them, I reached the point where I could get it to make 3minute movies - which restart with a new clip after each three minutes. Next I found a piece of black rubber mat and mounted a bolt up through it to take the lightweight holder. Add camera and lay whole ensemble on the dashboard. Amazingly it worked AND didn't slide. I am now experimenting with it on every drive - but G has insisted I turn off the sound recorder as my expletives about other drivers were too much for her on playback I was just testing to see whether I could mount it as a forehead cam (watching too many YouTube "how-to" videos I guess) - and discovered there is a clip to hold it about your person (perfect for Tesco workers). I maybe could have used it yesterday as I "repaired" the "spider valve" gasket on the pool pump.I have had a minor leak from the unit and a local pool guy (related to gardener I found for house below) ordered a replacement gasket kit for me - but warned me that if the problem was other than that, it was easier (but certainly not cheaper at 180€ )to replace the whole unit as the springs in the top-part of the unit "were a serious problem". Well, I checked what the YouTube community told me to do and launched into it. Funnily enough, the top unit with the springs (bottom part of the photo) proved the easiest to do as I have some Lidl (wooding) clamps which held it together just fine. All-in-all, a 10 minute job. Then I spent nearly two hours trying to do the "easy part" of getting the old spider gasket out (top part of photo). What the guy had omitted to tell me was that they were stuck/glued in. What a performance - box-cutters, screwdriver-chisels, grandad´s gardening knife (almost lost my finger-tip to that). Eventually got all the bits out and cleaned the old glue etc too. A quick trip to my favourite hardware store for some glue and silicone grease (but grease just not available here, so had to make do with a spray) then slotted and tapped down the new gasket in its sticky bed. Two hours watching in the Vuelta cycling while it dried, then reinstalled the "heavily siliconed" top - in less than 10 minutes. Tested and proved perfect. Happy boy! BUT A few weeks ago we had the Danish neighbours and their friends over for drinks and snacks and their girls asked if they could bomb-dive in the pool. Why not I thought. Well they probably asked as people have found that not only is it unsafe for other swimmers, but the shock-waves test your pool to destruction. Seemingly no damage done, but apart from the leak I had fixed on the spider, there was a problem with the water draining out of the pump and causing all sorts of whining and gulping when the pump started up. Now there is a non-return valve just below the pump, but it is held in by 4" / 10cm screw-on ends. In the past I have used a car-oil-filter clamp with limited success, but have always been on the lookout for a proper tool (and avoided opening the valve possible as it is a bitch). I knew I would have to check it as it has jammed up with wind-blow rubbish in the past (John's Law #332 ´s law - any uncleared rubbish will always end up in the pool), but I knew I needed to get something better, like a strap wrench. Firstly to San Anton, the heavy duty builders merchants (and pool suppliers). Now I expected to pay about 10€-15€ if I could find a strap-wrench, but their offerings were plastic at 27€ or metal and bike-chain at 75€. I made my excuses and left (as they used to write in the News of the World). The local Chino didn't have anything (despite the fact they normally have the same as all the others and I had seen one elsewhere). Next over to Las Lagunas and on a whim went into the big AKI hardware store - which I normally avoid due to long queues and slow till staff. Eventually found a "sales person" for the tools area ("not my area" said all the others) and, lo and behold, she fished out a 12€ package containing two individual / differently sized strap wrenches. Went off in high glee to the check out - and even better- jumped the whole queue by going to the self-serve cards-only till which was totally unused despite the long queue. Best of all, the device actually works a treat. As they say, having the correct tools for the job is always the key - and now I have even more tools for that job. Now when I took off the one-way valve, I discovered a finger-tip sized piece of concrete (not my flesh finger tip) jamming it open. Removed, re-installed, and perfection. Now I know why bombing in pools should be avoided.