Fast brain, fast mouth, no filter. Probably the definition of a smart-ass, and pretty much sums up my life from a very early age - probably right through to now. It got me in trouble with any and all people in positions of authority, school masters, policemen, et al- it also got me into trouble with the local yobs, where a smart comment was never appreciated and usually met with threats of violence. This personality trait (some would say defect) was compounded by my lack of respect for any sort of authority that wasn´t based on logic or merit - read most people in public life and almost all management in businesses such as Shell.
I really can count on the fingers of one hand the number of charismatic people I met in my career, a similar amount whose ability I respected, and maybe just a few more who gave more than could be expected in order to achieve results. This obviously offers me a hell of a lot of "other" people at whom to "have a go".
I found out later in life that my mother harboured ambitions for me to go into the army - although it is a moot point whether that was because she thought I would thrive or, more likely, to get some sense beaten into me and tighten my loose mouth. It would probably have been the shortest military career in (peacetime) history.
My problem has always been that a smart comment that springs into my mind just has to be uttered - irrespective of the situation or potential fall-out. My mind is always working on arrays of options to almost anything that is happening (probably being the basis of my project management skills), but when it throws up a coincidental connection that appears funny - out it is blurted.
I think my first foray into this sphere was when I was about 7 or 8, and my mother and an aunt were discussing some lady who was thought to be a bit "fast". They obviously thought I wan´t listening, or that even if I was listening, I wouldn´t understand. They had also mentioned that she was a lawyer - and were absolutely amazed when I put lawyer and loose woman together and "innocently" asked if that meant that she spent most of her time soliciting. Innocent face, innocent voice and swift exit. That stunned them completely. I had found my metier.
Actually, that was probably the only time when I came up with a smart comment when I wasn´t already in trouble... and let me tell you, when you make such comments to a teacher, policeman, line manager or any other official when they are being bombastic, it exaggerates the impact many times over -and usually ends in an explosion.
I have lost count of the number of times I have been reprimanded for being facetious, which tended to be the term used by "management" - ie people who realised my jocular comments were actually barbed and aimed at them.
You might think that being in a foreign country and only being partially fluent in the language would have cured me of my failings, but sad to report that this is not true. In some ways it is actually exaggerated, as spanish words can be swiftly connected to other spanish words or situations and a situation contrived. Of course, a lot of it falls on stoney ground as people who are struggling to understand your limited command of the language are totally unprepared for any jokes or barbs - although the locals do seem to understand the when you are getting at them just from the cynical look or tone of voice.
So, basically, sarcasm works across borders.
As a friend observed on an early trip to spain, the language is easy - you just add an "o" to the end of the english word.
Just call me El Sarcastico!
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