Killer Date

I took G out on a date this week - ok, I didn´ ttake her anywhere and she actually was in the lead, but we went together to a cafe. A Death Cafe. Morbid? Me? Not one bit of it.

Death Cafes were started a few years ago by a Brit guy named Jon Underwood and I came across the concept during some research when I was helping Cudeca with the Spanish "Do Not Resuscitate" shambles.

Anyway, a death Cafe is somewhere where people can meet and take about death and associated topics over a "cup of tea and some cake" (Underwood´s reasoning being that Brits would be a lot happy in a surrounding where there was tea and cake.

The concept is that someone facilitates and organises the meeting (home, cafe, or wherever) with a number of people being invited, or signing themselves up. Introdiutions of the usual kind (who I am, what my interest is in this meeting, etc), then a split into interested groups for a period of discussion - followed by feedback and further plans.

In this case, the meeting was on zoom and initiated by Cudeca and run by a Brit lady from Mallorca (very interesting person who is a celebrant , doula and death cafe "hostess"). Glynis gave an introduction by explaining about the history of Death Cafes and the proliferation over the last few years.

there were actually only a few attendees (6) with me perched on G´s shoulder as it seemed a bit weird having two people on different systems in one meeting.

As ever it is interesting to find that other people have totally different reasons for attending such an event, with old age, friends and family being very sick, Spiritual path, the requirement for death doulas - and of course Cudeca.

The rules are no agenda, no charges and no guest speakers. Sounds a bit like it should collapse in a general embarrassed silence with minutes, but it actually ran for about an hour and a half.

Topics covered were euthanasia, living will, Spanish attitudes to death and dying (certainly different to UK), religious mores, family v patient wishes (at end of life and which can be very much one versus the other) and availability of background material (articles, books and films).

It was very interesting and everyone went away with the wish for something more, but no one knowing exactly what. I pointed out that it seemed a bit difficult for a hospice to append it's name to a Death Cafe, so we probably needed to take it out of that umbrella).

There are instructions online for how to run a cafe, but I am not sure I am in a position to run one just yet.

The good thing is that as a topic of conversation, it does start to identify other interested parties - but the majority probably think it is just a very strange subject and not one they wish to approach or consider (or is that just me?!)